Apr 172014
 

The beginning of the race season is upon us, so I thought I would republish a post that has become a standard post for us at the beginning of each season. Those of you who have been following us  have probably already read this, since it has made the rounds on the web many times. Even so, it’s still a fun read as the season begins. Enjoy your season.

 

 

 

You know you’re a triathlete when….

  • When asked how old you are you answer 20-24.
  • When asked how long your training was today you answer: three to four hours.
  • Your training is more limited by available time then how far you can run.
  • Your first thought when you wake up is how high your rest HR is.
  • You go for a run even though there’s a thunderstorm and you enjoy being wet and dirty.
  • You think it’s natural to do your ‘business’ behind a tree in the woods.
  • You take part in the corporate challenge to improve your base speed.
  • You go for a 5 km cool down run after a 5 km race just so that you can call it a training session.
  • You consider work regeneration time between training sessions.
  • That something hard between your legs is usually a pull buoy
  • You have a water bottle when you drive your car.
  • You’ve forgotten how to drink out of cups.
  • You spend your 2 weeks annual vacation at a training camp.
  • You know inside out how much Protein each energy bar has.
  • You seriously consider applying for citizenship in Tonga, Jemen or Tschad so that you can participate in the Olympic Games.
  • When people praise you for being able to run 15 miles you feeling insulted.
  • In the summer your legs are smoother than your girlfriend’s.
  • In the winter your legs are still smoother than your girlfriend’s
  • You need a picture for a job application and you only have race pictures.
  • You use running T-shirts to clean your bike.
  • That charming “cologne” you wear to work is chlorine
  • You take more showers in a locker room than at home
  • 6:30 am is sleeping in
  • The dog runs and hides when you get the leash!
  • You think there are only two seasons during the year – racing and off.
  • You shave way too many body parts for a guy.
  • You can’t change the oil in your car but you can completely rebuild your bike in 45 min
  • You spend more £ on training and racing clothes than work clothes
  • You spend 7 days going to 8 stores in 4 towns before buying a pair of running shoes but you take 1 afternoon to go to 1 car dealership and walk out with a new car 4 hours later.
  • You see some lady watering her flowers and ask her if you can borrow the hose for a minute so you can fill up your water bottles.
  • You clean your bike more often than your car
  • You’ve been stung be a wasp or bee in your mouth but carried on running or cycling because “your split times won’t go down by themselves”.
  • Your car smells like a locker room.
  • You have everything needed in your car to be Swimming, Biking or Running with 5 minutes notice.
  • When asked to mow the lawn in 90 degree heat, you say that it’s too hot to do that (and you mean it) and then an hour later you go on a century ride because it’s so nice out.
  • You tell your co-workers that you are going to “do a long brick” on Saturday and just expect that they know what you are talking about.
  • When a co-worker asks if you are racing this weekend, you say “yeah, but I’m just running a 10k, so that is not REALLY a race”.
  • You consider your bike saddle your “couch”.
  • You consider Clif Bars as one of the four food groups
  • You are sick to your stomach at 2:00 in the morning and check the back of the Pepto Bismol bottle for caloric content and grams of carbohydrates, fat and protein.
  • You have plenty of water bottles, safety pins, and t-shirts.
  • You like going swimming the day after a race with the permanent penned number still visible on your legs and arms because it feels like a medal.
  • You have trouble keeping lunch under 2000 calories.
  • You usually wake up at 4:00 in the morning but do not get to work until way after 9:00.
  • You have a £4000 bike strapped on top of your £2000 car.
  • You have no trouble pushing a day’s caloric intake to over 8000 calories.
  • You’re always wet! Either sweat water, pool water, sea water, shower water, bath water or its p*****g down outside!
  • Instead of Marie Clare, People and Cosmo, you have piles of Runner’s World in your bathroom.
  • Your car has at least one Power Bar wrapper and two sets of workout clothes.
  • Your kids idea of playing is a bike and run race followed by power bars, water bottles and awards ceremony.
  • Your laundry continually smells like someone locked the cat in overnight.
  • You leave your apartment or house in the morning with your swim bag on one arm, bike on one shoulder, a change of clothes in another bag, and your running stuff in another bag in case you can get away at lunch for a workout.
  • You wave at other cyclists, because all triathletes are friendly and if they are not, they are probably purist cyclists trying to get into triathlons and they do not know that triathletes are friendly.
  • You have not one, not two, but three permanent chain ring scars on your right calf.
  • You are walking along a street and you signal left.
  • You can’t decide what tee shirt to wear to your next race.
  • You have far more pairs of shoes in your closet than your non-tri wife does in hers.
  • The one “suit” you own has orca written on the chest.
  • You wear your heart rate monitor during sex……and you keep within the right HR zone
  • You hear T2 and don’t think of the film….
  • “Foreplay” is 15 minutes on a turbo trainer.
  • Your living room has the “swim pile” and the “bike pile” and the “run pile” and the “weight room pile” and you pick and choose kind of like a cafeteria on your way out the door.
  • Your kitchen cupboards are organized into “protein”, “carbs” and “etc” .
  • You bring bottled water to a party so that you’re properly hydrated for the next morning’s long run.  Everyone else at the party also brought their own bottled water because you don’t have a social life outside of triathlon. Oh yeah, and they all showed up by 7pm and left by 10pm.
  • Your company announces mandatory unpaid shutdown days – every other Friday throughout the summer – in order to cut costs and stay in business, and your response is “Great – now I can do two long workouts on the weekends and still have an easy day.” ……but you don’t!
  • Your 8 year old comes home with the school record for the mile and says, he took it out in a nice pace he could hold…..everyone else died.
  • You fill your kids’ water bottles with Cytomax instead of blue Gatorade.
  • You can ask your mom and your sister and all other girlfriends for shaving advice. No wait, they ask you for advice!
  • You say that you went to a race last weekend…and somebody asks “running or biking” and you are again forced to explain….
  • You wear your bathing suit under your work clothes to make a fast transition from work to swim on your lunch hour.
  • You show up at the neighborhood pool on your bike in a speedo and embarrass your teenage daughters.
  • Your idea of fast food is a power bar and SIS Go
  • Somebody hands you a cup of water and you have to restrain yourself from pouring it on your head.
  • You catch yourself about to blow a snot rocket while walking around the office.
  • You forget that talking about daily LSD [Long Slow Distance] and speed weirds some people out.
  • You have no FRIGGIN idea what to do with yourself on your off day.
  • You feel like you took the day off because all you did was swim 3000 meters then go for a short run.
  • At any given moment you know exactly where your heart rate monitor and your swim goggles are, but cannot remember where you left your car keys. (turns out 90% of the time they are in your bike bag).
  • Ice baths!
  • When non-racer friends tell you they ran/rode you automatically calculate their pace to see if you’re still in better shape.
  • Cars pass you on the road when you’re driving and you either drop back to get out of draft zone or speed up to attack!
  • You have no trouble converting mph into kph.
  • You’ve stopped buying high-heels because your feet are too swollen from long runs to fit in them anyways.
  • While your less athletically-inclined girlfriends are gorging themselves on plates of lettuce, you’re occupying yourself with a plate of pasta and chicken (white meat, of course.)
  • Having a period has become less of a nuisance since menstrual cramps don’t feel that bad when you’re hunched over a bike.
  • You’ve stopped wearing dangly earrings because they just get in the way when you’re ripping off your clothes to squeeze “just one more” workout into your already cramped schedule.
  • Your girlfriends are insanely jealous of your tan legs. Until they realize that the tan stops at your bike shorts.
  • You’ve given up trying to go on training runs/rides with your boyfriends because they don’t take it too well when you kick their butt.
  • Your best girl friend gets a new bike and tells you that it’s a really pretty shade of blue. You get a new bike and can tell her the chain ring ratios.
  • When checking out guys on the street/at the mall your friends notice eyes, hair, build. You notice if they have shaved legs, if they have runners/bikers legs, and if they’re wearing a race t-shirt.

As I have said in the past, I’m not sure where this originated. I got it off of a website in 2006. It was a repost.

 

Enjoy your workout.

John

 

 

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